Unresolved problem
Dear Mr. Mezzotint, ~snip~
For the attention of Mr Yelland
A. Daley & Sons Ltd
Dear Mr Yelland,
I refer to your letter of response dated 6th November.
The Bentley remains in the farm gateway until such time as you may wish to reclaim it.
We have no intention to meet the cost of recovery. The vehicle remains unfit for purpose. The fees charged by the farmer, and his rather large family, for “estimating” the cost of extricating the vehicle cleaned us out of all of our travel money.
Had it not been for the kind services of an ageing pop star's fan club who had hired a double decker bus from Classic Tours Omnibus Co Ltd, which I understand is a subsidiary company of yours, we would not have been able to return home.
We find it odd that this class of public service vehicle appears capable of off road activity, despite its totally inappropriate size, whereas the Bentley is not.
Oh, and the GPS doesn’t work on that one either. I enclose a montage of holiday snaps as evidence of the “route” which the “master” of this vehicle took when left to his own devices. Getting hopelessly lost on a hairpin bend and unguarded road, high above stormy seas in not something we would care to repeat – ever!
Fortunately the free pocket map of Europe from your local filling station, at which you clearly sneered, proved to be our salvation.
The repetitive singing of, “We’re All Going on a Summer Holiday” for the duration of the whole of the 723 mile journey home did nothing to add to the experience either! In fact the bus was not even faithful to the film. Another rip-off from A. Daley & Sons Ltd.
We refrained from complaining at the time because we were graciously permitted to travel free of charge through Europe, using our UK pensioner’s bus passes.
We did not join in with the singing.
My solicitors, Novak & Goode, have advised that the suggestion pertaining to the woman passenger in the Bentley not being my wife is a slur on my character. Proceedings may be issued in respect of that accusation which is entirely false. I have absolutely no reason to leave my wife for someone else. Your mechanic needs to look elsewhere, both for his wife and a new job if he has any sense!
The slanderous statement made is of the type which destroys relationships. My wife is an individual for whom I am totally devoted and we have the greatest respect for each other - constantly. In addition, despite her age, she is still a fine looking woman -
most days (in the dark).
Finally you may wish to devote some attention to the condition of the Bus Depot for which I assume you are also responsible. Our comments are based on observations made upon our safe return to Blighty. Overall cleanliness is extremely poor, overnight security is lax and the graffiti could do with being removed.
Needless to say my intention is to never again acquire vehicles from your company. *
Yours,
Cuthbert Mezzotint
* At least, that was the plan until I saw your latest offerings in the Freeware section.
Nice work J!
Cheers
Casper
Montage, borders and graffiti photoshopped