Mock the Auto-Announcer game

[BigThing]

Welcome to platform 9 3/4

The Hogwarts express is running late due to a magical battle to the death on the line.

If you would bear with us as we wait for it to finish and remove the dust of the looser

Thank you, and make sure all owl "leavings" are distributed in the appropriate manner.

 

[gary6204]

*ding Dong* the train going to london, mosco, new york, and seattle, will now be ariving on track (platform) 12. please be careful as there there are 99999999 continuis tgv trains and we want you to be run over by them.


5 minutes later
*ding ding ding ding ding dong* The train to london, mosco, new york and seattle has been cancelled due to there being toilets and food on the train and not that there is no way to cross the ocean. WE HOPE YOU HAVE HAD A HORIBBLE DAY AND THAT THIS HAS MADE IT WORSE. good day.

this train has somehow gone missing if you have have seen it please burp 5 times, moo like a cow 10 times and get run over by a train 2 times, thank you for listining to this message and we hope you have the worst day ever by that crashed tgv train coming up next to you on the station at a couple hundred kiliometers per hour.

thank you and have a horrible day.

 

[calrail]

my turn now!

"Ding dang dong" (Burp) Your Not Welcomed Aboard this Train To I don't know where because ive lost the map. all the food on this train is stored in the toilet and went out aabout last easter. Also We have a CD of people saying Please mind the gap over and over again. Thank You. please mind the gap please mind the gap please mind the gap.

 

[meyshollop]

* Ding- dong * Please ensure all poodle and human 'droppings' are NOT distributed but thrown at the next passing desiro train, also, no trains will pass through here today

 

[osq7]

"Ding Dong" Bad Evening, Passengers. The 19:55 to Barnstaple will be arriving. When, we shall not say. We also have code red situation: the buffet car on the 19:40 to Penzance is out of beer, there is no cheese and the only sandwiches were ones prepared 20 years ago. No thank you for travelling with First Great Western.

 

[Blundyboy]

A selection...

Please leave cases and parcels unattended, anywhere on the station. Any unattended articles will be removed and sold.

The train now approaching platform -2 is the cancelled 0656 Southern service to Littlehampton. Please stand well away from the platform edge as the train passes non-stop to Havant.

 

[marinemania]

HAHA Amtrak

**Dingdong** Attention All amtrak acela passangers the 835 acela has been put down for maintanice and will be delay by a week we are not sorry for the delay, Sorry!!! **CLICK** (people start mobing the control room)

 

[Truemac]

*Ding dong* "Attention all passengers. The Special excursion train, UP #844, will be making a scheduled stop on platform 2. We request that you please not bother the crew members with stupid questions such as 'Is this train real?' 'Where does is pick up electricity?' and 'Why is it on fire?' The crew members will most likely throw flaming pieces of coal at you.

Also, would the man with the camera and the green jacket please get off of the tracks. The train is whistling for a reason."

 

[mattm]

"attention passengers, i've just been informed that the timetable was re-written so that all express services will now make fifteen minute stops at wondabyne, so the driver and guard can catch their lunch for the day. Please note that the doors will remain locked for the duration of the stop, and departure times may vary, depending on how good at fishing the crew are."
"Thank you, and enjoy traveling Cityrail."

 

[Wessex_Electric_Nutter]

The train now approaching platform -2 is the cancelled 0656 Southern service to Littlehampton. Please stand well away from the platform edge as the train passes non-stop to Havant.

Thats the sort of annoucement I need for when SOUTHERN cancels the 08:04 (Fishbourne Time) service from Brighton to Portsmouth Harbour. Its the only one which I can get in the morning, without being excessively late or excessively early.

 

[Blundyboy]

Thats the sort of annoucement I need for when SOUTHERN cancels the 08:04 (Fishbourne Time) service from Brighton to Portsmouth Harbour. Its the only one which I can get in the morning, without being excessively late or excessively early.

I live in Chichester, and go to Portsmouth every morning! How strange!

Anyway, more announcements...

Welcome Aboard this First Great Western service to Bristol Temple Meads, calling at every single stop to Bristol Temple Meads. We are sorry to announce that there will be no catering service today, and that the only toilet on this train is broken. All doors are not opening due to a fault on this train. Thank You for travelling with First Great Western.

Just for WEN...

We are sorry to announce that the 08:04 Southern service to Portsmouth Harbour, has been cancelled. The next train has also been cancelled. This is due to (long pause...)

The next train from this platform will be the 10:14 Southern service to Portsmouth and Southsea.

Just couldn't resist...

 

[osq7]

*Ding dong* Hello, passengers. Thomas The Tank engine *cough* will be stopping at platform 2, so feel free to jeer and spray grafiti over that blue *beep*. Anyways, the regular First Northwestern service will be arriving at the normal time of 15:51, so please get on it: I need a pay rise.

 

[jmeinig]

(fuzz)(in a low voice)"...and could I get chili on that? Oh, wait,(a louder, announcing voice) Hello passengers, somehow, Big Boy number 4006 will pull into the station carrying 13,000 pounds of chickens, delaying the 5,6,7,8 and 9 o'clock daily passenger runs, also there will be a bomb on train #14, so please stay off that train, thank you". sorry if that was lame and bad, I'm not good at making funny things.

 

[mattm]

As an alternative to my previous post:

"Good afternoon passengers, welcome aboard the 5:09 Gosford-Sydney Central service. This train will stop first station Point Clare, then all to Berowra, Hornsby, Strathfield and Sydney Central. Passengers for Wondabyne, please notify the guard of your attention to alight, then stand at the rear door and enjoy the view as we shoot through at 60km/h, regardless. Also note that short platforms at Tascott, Koolewong and Cowan may cause problems for the driver, after some retard removed the car location posts(1), so he has no idea where he should be."

(1) I have no idea what these things are called, how about you? Also, off-topic i know, does anyone know if these are available anywhere?

 

[Blundyboy]

After a trip to Wales, I bring new announcements!

Welcome Aboard. We will be callng at the following principal stations, Deganwy and Llandudno Junction. Please take a moment to read the safety notices in both English and Welsh, and if you are alighting at Deganwy, please inform the guard, who will ignore you and give you a penalty fare for travelling too far. Thank You.

Please stand well away from the edge of platform six. The approaching train is scheduled to stop at this station.

 

[SPNGTyler]

From Six Flags in Arlington...

(in a REALY loud earpercing voice) Howdy Folks! And Welcome aboard! As a reminder, we would like to tell everyone to please hang your arms out of the train, so you can go home and show you mom you scars and/or now shorter limbs. Also, please throw whatever you like out the side of the train. Wether it be food, drink, trash, babies, diapers, and bad Boy friends or Girl Friends. How else do you think we find employes? Now if you look to your left, youll see the (dramatic 6 second pause) TEXAS GIANT! The laarggest...faassstessstt wooodeen rolli costa in the heer park! And if you look to your right......blah .....blah....blah....blah

 

[Wessex_Electric_Nutter]

I had a good one this morning "Please note that this train is not in passenger use, if there are any passengers on this train, please leave the train now as the doors will soon close." as we trundle into Portsmouth & Southsea station.

 

[marinemania]

Good evening ladies and gentlemen the last train leaving for Wessex is departing in the next 40 minutes and What!!......., Charles what the hell are you doing to Sharah................?, nothing, yah nothing execpt your all over her on the desk. Take that junk some place else serious it not very helpful for my and my announcement. Um..., please disregard what I just said just prepare for boarding and have a good evening ( announcer hangs up)...................................................................................................
.............................................

 

[railway_simulation]

If you need voices for your announcements, I have a few 'friends' that would be happy to help out.
http://rapidshare.com/files/114501828/TrainzAnnc.wav.html

this link dont work ? any one that can help me

 

[scottling]

After reading through and getting some inspiration, I'm going to make a couple of my own.....:hehe:

"Bing-Bing. The train arriving on Platform 3 is the First Great Western Plymouth service, running express to Bristol, then taking a side-stop to Cardiff, and for the sake of it, Llandudno as well. Also note that due to works in Birmingham Station, you will have to be bussed around it. FGW will not be held responsible for the lack of stopping services at the stations either side of Birmingham. Instead, forward complaints to the Scotrail Company even though they have nothing to do with anything we do. Good Day."

And this one I thought up.....

"Your Attention Please. This is the Caboolture train, stopping all stations to Caboolture, except for every station past Northgate as works have closed all the stations. Also note that even at top speed, Caboolture Station will be closed as well before we get there, so we will have to keep going until the electric wires run out. As the brakes on this hunk of junk are over 10 years past their replacement date, they may not work at the end of the electrified track and we probably will not stop until we hit Rockhampton. A coal train parked there will not be moving, so prepare to get covered in coal dust. Passengers are reminded to use the toilet before departure. Sadly you've missed your chance so either hold it in, or try to get it through the joint between the carriages, in full view of the passengers either side.
Queensland Rail is also putting Indians in charge of this train, so please try to understand the jibberish coming over the intercom. Thankyou for travelling with us"

Read and Enjoy.
Happy Trainzing,
Scott.