Mock the Auto-Announcer game

[Snowhill]

Auto Announcer Game

Boing…. This is you train manager welcoming passengers who boarded this First Great Western service at Plymouth to Lands End….. Please note that this train terminates at Penzance owing to Railtrack not having put rails down beyond that station, Passengers for Lands End please ensure you have adequate footwear for the journey on foot to Lands End. Passengers wishing to disembark at intermediate stations please pull the communication cord above the seats…. Also passengers will be required to show both tickets and passports as we cross the Royal Albert Bridge into Cornwall. Passengers for Falmouth, Newquay and Looe please note that they are on the wrong train. Owing to Railtrack’s on going engineering work on this line the normal two hour journey will now take twelve hours. We apologise that we have no on board catering facilities. Smoking is allowed only in coach A which unfortunately has not been attached to this train. Nicotine patches can be purchased from the train inspector at £5 each. Thank you for having the nerve to travel with First Great Western. Any complaints should be addressed to Virgin Trains…Who will be taking over the franchise owing to our poor performance. Have a pleasant journey.

 

[class143]

Welcome on board this service from Penzance to Cardiff Central. This train calls at all stops until it breaks down, we currently are tossing a coin over this and is likely to be Saltash. Even though its currently on time, due to this being FGW, we can assure you by Devon it will be two hours late. Also please note for the time being there is no toilet on this service, this is due to person hiding inside but we estimate him to run of at Bristol. Please note there is no refreshments either. This is short formed by a 1 carrige 153 because another MTU Hst has caught fire again. Welcome on board.

 

[PerRock]

On the track is Amtrak train number 188 with service to Chicago. Due to this train running on Union Pacific track this train is three months late; please adjust your schedules accordingly. Also because the timetable for that time has not been made yet no connections can be guaranteed. Thank you for traveling Amtrak's ILS service.
----------------------------------
Authors note: ILS = Inconceivably Late Service

 

[angelah]

Edinburgh

Posted at Edinburgh,
The train up from Crewe that's now due will be late due to dew, the noo!
We hope the delay to the crew from Crewe due to the dew will not be undue.

Angela

 

[colhad]

(muffly yelly voice)This is the <garbled> Newcastle. It will be stopping at every station conceivably possible in order to make your journey as annoying as possible. Please note the only working lavatory is in the first car of the train.

There's a blast from the past, how are you going Stormy. Drop into chat sometime and catch up.

 

[angelah]

At Doncaster

Seen a notice at Doncaster :-
The toilets on platform one are out of order, please use platform three.

Angela

 

[freightcar2]

New post in a long time!

(Ding-dong) "Attention, travellers! Our toilets are currently out-of-order, if you need to use them, please take the Express R143 to the Flushing Line. I repeat, take the Express R143 To the Flushing Line. Thank you."(Ding-Dong)

Did I get it right? Did I? Did I? :udrool:

 

[jadebullet]

*Bing Bong* Hello everyone, sorry about that slight bump, it seems that the first 3 cars have run a closed switch and derailed. We apologize for the delay and we will hopefully have them rerailed in notime. We here at Amtrak pride ourselves in being pros at getting trains back on track.:hehe: Next stop, Denver Station. Also if you would look out the left side you will see a Sante Fe SuperChief rolling by with no problems. On second thought you might be getting to your destination a few decades early. We are sorry about the delay and the time jump, and we hope you continue to ride Amtrak in the future.

 

[dar12]

*bing bong* Departing at track 48 is the "2012 Olympic Super Express" enrouted to "The Queens Olympic Stadium"(if NY is holding for the 2012 olympics). This train will make no stops. All people wawnting to stop at 61st St woodside must take the "Olympic 7" on track 12 but will be delayed until the olympics ends. All trains are eqipped with lavatories except the 2012 Olympic Super Express due to an active bomb and will self destruct when reaching the station. The "2012 Olympic Express" will be overcrowded so no seating is available and will be pushed by an "oshiya" so they can fit you in. Thank you for listening.

 

[class143]

Welcome on board this cross country voager sevice from Aberdeen to Penzance calling at, oh whats the point, no one's going to stay on for the whole journey apart from the dead guy in the toilet because the door failed while he was in there and died of the smell of the toilet tank.

 

[collinsl]

*Bingly-bingly-beep*. Ladeeeeez and Gennlemen, for your entertainment, we have here today a rare and glorious spectacle! [drum roll] The train now departing from track 2, that's track 2, has actually arrived on time! If you look to your right on platform 2, then you can see the leaves on the line that will delay it until the cows come home to roost! Than you for travelling with First Great Western! *Dah-dah-da-daaaaa!*

 

[PerRock]

Ding Ding Dong. Ldeeeeeyeeeezze and Gentelman we would like to remind you that we take security veryeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

peter

 

[class143]

If you do not have a valid ticket for the next station, please will you jump off the train as soon as possible. Damn central locking!

 

[shikadi]

*Ding Dong*This is an announcement.We take safety very seriously,therefore we will be ensuring you remain in your seats for the duration of this trip,
which is 3 days.:hehe:
------------
3 hours later
*Ding dong* We have just recieved news that the train will be 5 days late,thank you for your co-operation.

 

[class143]

Will passengers please note we take security very seriously. Now lets play pass the unattend parcel and cases.

 

[shikadi]

*Ding dong*
We would like to announce that the nuisance-who plays his music loudly has died in the toilet. But don't worry! We have a replacement nuisance-who plays his music loudly, onboard. We hope to see you traveling on one of our trains again!

 

[caseyjones101]

Would passengers please note this train bound for London Liverpool Street will be terminating at Stratford. This is due to overunning overhead wire replacement. Network Rail would not like to apologise for the inconvience caused because the work will take as long as it needs to.:hehe:

Just another day for commuters.:hehe:

 

[klambert]

Ding Dong Worple worple the train arriving in platform 4 is the virgin cross country train to penzance calling at blah blah blah please note the luggage space is very limited, excuse the screaming toddler in B coach and there is hardly any leg room. Thankyou and have a nice day

 

[freightcar2]

*Ding-dong!* Attention all riders on the 7725 + 7726 "5" tram train: You can board the train on platform 1, but as it is haunted, please board at platform 3.*Ding-dong!*

----------

En route:

Attention, travellers! We are currently riding to some place unknown. Note that the crack between the coupling of 7725 and 7726 ment that the driver forgot to let out air into the brakes...hence the coupling crack...never mind...your train will just have to be retired, then we can continue.

(Different voice): How Ironic! That person clearly has no idea about what happened! What really happened was that both tram-cars were pulling away from each other, so the brakes are leaking "on". All it means is that the train will have to terminate where it is...:hehe:

 

[Mitchey]

As for the Queensland Railways EMU 'doors closing' annoucement...

*ding ding* Doors closing, Please stand on your ear.

:hehe:
________
Buy Easy Vape