Hi All
It may just be my personal driving/firing style, and the locomotives that I use, however I rarely see this issue.
Putting water into the boiler will cool it, however how much of an effect it has in-game I'm not sure. I do use it for this method, and it does work. HOWEVER, it should be remembered that you are putting water in, which reduces steam space, and hence will mean pressure can build quicker...
Now, my driving style... Note, this is based on using my 'VR F class 2-4-2T' locos and my new VR DD class payware locos. My preference is the VR, so this is what I drive for the most part
This is based off a bit of personal experience of driving and firing steam locos (not a huge amount by any means, but still some experience), as well as many discussions with crews that I know, workshop staff, and much reading of material from drivers who describe their experiences.
For firing, I keep the coal level as close to 100% as possible when working hard, or at the start of the session. I also keep my water level between 50% and 100% (it is easy to forget your injector is on...), although preferably this shouldn't go above about 70-80%... This is for when working hard though. I normally have the blower somewhere between 0 and 1/6 open. On the prototype, the blower will always be open to some degree to ensure the fire drafts properly, and you don't get a back draft into the cab...
When stationary, I leave the fire as is, and let it burn down. I also attempt to have around 50% water in the boiler when arriving at a location where I will be stationary for some time (e.g. a 5 minute station stop), that way I can turn the injector on a few times to control pressure.
When approaching the top of a grade, I will bank the fire a little (e.g. up to about 120%). Your boiler will be hot, so cooling the fire before reaching the top of the grade won't hurt too much, although how far from the top will require some experimentation. I normally fill the boiler up fairly high before the up hill grade, and let it use up a lot of water climbing the grade. Once I've crested the grade, you will hopefully have enough space in the boiler to top it up every so often to control pressure. Also back the blower off (or turn it off completely) when you're close to the top of the grade.
If you have been working the loco hard up the grade, you WILL have the safeties lift when you crest the hill, purely because you will have a VERY hot engine/fire/boiler, making a lot of steam, which is suddenly not being used. However, if you've let the water get low enough by the top of the grade, you should be able to reduce your pressure pretty quick.
Now, if you have trouble with the pressure after working hard, you can still work your loco relatively hard down grade. This requires some careful playing with the train brake, and the bail. To do this, drop your brake pressure to about 62-65PSi, then press the 'D' key to bail off the independant/loco brakes, and open the loco up a bit. This means you are now powering down the hill, with train brakes offering a bit more resistance, allowing you to use up steam. This will require some practice, as if you work it too hard, you'll just keep things hot...
Again, this is based on my own VR locos (note, the F class 2-4-2's don't currently have a bail - I will be updating the enginespec to fix this when I get a chance

). I've not had a chance to give any of the 'official' DLC's or the Y6B a run to document my driving/firing style for them.
Which brings me to driving style... The F and DD class locos are relatively easy to drive in a sense... These locos are designed to be driven off the cut-off, rather than the regulator. To get them moving with a train, open the regulator to about 5%, then when you actually start moving open to 10, then to 15, then to 30, then to 70, then to 100. You'll need to try this a few times, as different size trains will play on the locos differently. Once you get to about 70% and your acceleration has dropped, slowly start bringing the cut-off back. You will then continue to accelerate. Adjust as necessary for speed limits (e.g. when you reach the speed limit, then back off the regulator).
About 3 of my American Saloon cars behind the F class is a 'good' load (and was normally the maximum load for these locos, although they can haul a bit more), and this driving style will work.
Yes, driving steam locos is complex, even in Trainz... However, this is to help get them closer to the prototype, than DCC mode.
For DCC mode, as has been pointed out, at this time the Enginespec system is a bit 'one or the other' regarding the safety valves. This is definitely an area that could do with improving... However, be warned, having your safety valves set to too high a flow rate will cause them to 'stutter' rather than a proper continue flow. The same effect can occur from driving style and firing style, however a good test is to try lowering the flow to see if it helps.
As to the volume of the safety valves, I normally run Trainz in a 4m*3m room with the door shut, using reasonable speakers (they can handle things at fairly high volume, definitely loud enough or the 'chuff' to be very loud!), however I've not found the safety valves to be that bad compared to the other sounds. OTOH, I do have a volume control on my keyboard that I play around with a little as well (mostly to find a nice balance on a particular day).
HTH
Zec