Train Related Humor

B

BigBoyFan4006

\m/
I know this is off topic, but there's a joke I'm dying to tell and no one I personally know would get it! So, I've decided to tell it to my fellow railfans. If you want to you can post your own train/rail related jokes. Just don't post any joke that could be potentially perverted.

This is the joke: If you have problems with your computer, hit it with a mallet... I recommend Big Boy 4014 when it's UP and running!
 
boyerm25 said:
Isn't 2-8-8-4 a mallet... and 4-8-8-4 is a big boy? Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm more into modern diesels.
Click to expand...

Big Boy is and isn't a mallet. It depends on how you look at it. Big Boys have the same articulation system as a mallet. But they aren't true mallets. Big Boys are considered as "simple mallets". The difference between a true mallet and a "simple mallet" is true mallets have a pair of high pressure cylinders and a pair of low pressure cylinders, but the cylinders "simple mallets" have are all high pressure. BTW, the wheel arrangement has nothing to do with what is and what isn't a mallet. Mallets have more than one wheel arrangement.
 
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The game should come with a warning label: "Caution, Highly Addictive" ! Once you play, your entire life will be consumed in Trainz ! Your night time (and daytime) dreams will be in surveyor laying track, and driving in Trainz, and you will no longer have any pleasant dreams of being on a sunny vacation beach in the Caribbean, Your family will be having fun at the Casino, but you will be down at the railyard (where you purposely booked your 3rd rate motel room) in Las Vegas, your wife will leave you, or go on vacation without you, and you will not even miss her for 3 months, the kids will be left unattended in the playpen crying, and you won't even hear them, the dogs water bowl will go dry for 3 days straight, your school grades will plummet and you will get kicked out of college, you will get fired from your job for not showing up for work and calling out sick (when you are not even sick at all), your neighbors will hate you, and will call the cops on you for (multiple) excessive noise complaint(s), as they will think that a train station has moved in right next door to them, you will sit in a chair for 18 hours straight, and get carpal tunnel syndrome, you will sit in front of a blinding PC monitor so long that you will go out and buy "Blue Blocker" gold tinted outdoor sunglasses, and will instead wear them indoors while playing with Trainz, Do not use medications, nor drink alcoholic beverages while operating Trainz (as you will most likely spill your drink, and forget to take your medication), If you are pregnant, do not smoke while playing Trainz, as your cigarette will totally ash, and you will have wasted your money on cigarettes, and your baby will grow up to be a RR engineer, and his/her first words instead of being: "Da Da", will be: "Wooo Wooo", do not cook or barbeque while operating Trainz, unless you really like totally incinerated burnt up foodz. Everyone you know will look at you in wonder if you are crazy, when you say out loud: "WoW ... That beautiful sunset sky looks just like Pomme13 ! If you can not afford to buy Trainz, DLC content, or a 1 year FCT (costs @ 0.06 cents per day), N3V may be able to help you, by once again having their "Sooper Dooper 75% Off Sale" on TS12" !

The Conductors blues:

It's not my job to blow the whistle
I can not ring the bell
But if the dang thing jumps the tracks
See who catch's He (Double Toothpicks)

The light at the end of the tunnel, just might be an oncoming freight !
 
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cascaderailroad said:
The game should come with a warning label: "Caution, Highly Addictive ! Once you play, your entire life will be consumed in Trainz ! Your night time (and daytime) dreams will be in surveyor laying track, and driving in Trainz, and you will no longer have any pleasent dreams of being on a sunny vacation beach in the Carribean, Your family will be having fun at the Casino, but you will be down at the railtard (where you purposely booked your 3rd rate motel room) in Las Vegas, your wife will leave you, or go on vacation without you, and you will not even miss her for 3 months, the kids will be left unattended in the playpen crying, and you won't even hear them, the dogs water bowl will go dry for 3 days straight, your school grades will plummet and you will get kicked out of college, you will get fired from your job for not showing up for work and callling out sick (when you are not even sick at all), your neighbors will hate you, and will call the cops on you for (multiple) excessive noise complaint(s), as they will think that a train station has moved in right next door to them, you will sit in a chair for 18 hours straight, and get carpal tunnel syndrome, you will sit in front of a blinding PC monitor so long that you will go out and buy "Blue Blocker" gold tinted oudoor sunglasses, and will instead wear them indoors while playing with Trainz, Do not use medications, nor drink alcoholic beverages while operating Trainz (as you will most likely spill your drink, and forget to take your medication), If you are pregnant, do not smoke while playing Trainz, as your ciggarette will totaly ash, and you will have wasted your money on cigarettes, and your baby will grow up to be a RR engineer, and his first words instead of being: "Da Da", will be: "Wooo Wooo", do not cook or barbeque while operating Trainz, unless you really like totally incinerated burnt up foodz, everyone you know will look at you in wonder if you are crazy, when you say outloud: "WoW ... That beautiful sunset sky looks just like Pomme13 ! If you can not afford to buy Trainz, DLC content, or a 1 year FCT (costs @ 0.06 cents per day), N3V may be able to help you, by once again having their "Sooper Dooper 75% Off Sale" on TS12" !
Click to expand...


The (slightly) exaggerated story of my life! lol

cascaderailroad said:
The Conductors blues:

It's not my job to blow the whistle
I can not ring the bell
But if the dang thing jumps the tracks
See who catch's He (Double Toothpicks)
Click to expand...

That's pretty good!

cascaderailroad said:
The light at the end of the tunnel, just might be an oncomming freight !
Click to expand...

Dang it! Why didn't you warn me about this earlier! lololol
 
Some people think the Arkansas-Oklahoma Railroad isn't doing a good job running their railroad, but I think they're doing A-OK!
 
Trainz's unique it has better programming commnunity to make them survive

2 days ago my auto save option (in trainz of course) goes haywire for first time ever since ???.....hmmm 2004 cannot be probably not invented yet but first time ever.
any route it hangs itself sayng xxxxtmp bla bla bla cannot be found. Still not work after EDBR QDBR delete route kuid etc etc.
sounds like I hear the intercom in the N$V building screamin thru the building "pagin windwalkr or any senior programmer"
Maybe I should visit them to see myself the Brisbane brewers after all, almost did but they had only one hour time for me just sign contracts and go to the beach is the better deal we have to offer for your leisure.....(real life experience)
That is what I call old fashioned british humor one can smiole upon not laugh.
The better one I found in the SP! bug thread by was it Fabartus he hit the nail in a funny way

The trainz version of "dancing with the wolves" for windwalkr,

Just add it to the list of other longstanding bugs

What he said, but expecting this lot to actually work on a bug may be expecting too much. They are busy doing "neat things' (in their own minds eye) without addressing the ongoing problems. Maybe (I pray) they are actually fixing Surveyor. Hell, they can't even get the documentation straight--just look at the Wiki, and that's where any design change should be started.

Windwalkr even admitted back in July they weren't tracking performance issues. They certainly aren't loading up machines and seeing how TADdaemon slows stuff to a crawl. Why their software should ever try to open an internet link in DRIVER is beyond understanding... yet the Driver program does it constantly (so I disable the internet when operating). Their code is riddled with mysteries. They don't hardly know how to spell cache, much less use them effectively. They operate the database in a linear search mode, like 20 years ago, as if writing for Windows 3.1 and DOS 5! Saving frequent objects on a layout, by a priority weighted schema -- like the dependencies for a tree used all over a layout is a foreign thought... they continually beat disk IO to death relooking up stuff they didn't bother to put in cache and so recalculate it's whole occurence.

For an example of other longstanding bugs: Are they testing the tag istrack && istunnel when allowing a trackmark to attach itself... no, of course not. Making sure a spline is the right kind would be an obvious thought to anyone competent at designing software. If they were operators, they'd know that a lot of time such trackmarks are move, dragged elsewhere, as are junctions and signals, other trackside objects... testing attachment is so obvious a need as to be elementary. HA! Even junctions can find themselves on a catenary or fence if the NEW SPLINE MODELs' are sufficiently close. What happens with splines are deserving of a bugfix hotfix... as is the sound embarrassment, but they aren't users, don't get screwed over when something attaches to the wrong spline, don't get annoyed when the operations suck because the sounds are really wrong.

Why they don't get embarrassed by this basic operational bug type is beyong my abilty as as a software professional to understand! The user community is just supposed to bend over and spread... again. We're suppose to suck up the time sinks when we have to spend an extra hour or five because trackmarks are on fences or repositioned signals are on catenarys, junctions on fences. THEY Just let issues like these go on and on, when they should be hot-fixed within weeks... Alas, such a response would be professional. They have the worst case of Small Company Group Think I've ever heard of, much less suffered from.

Suggest everyone bugged by such BUGS submit a ticket (EVERY TIME such bugs BITE US!) ... until they give us an ETA or announce a patch has been released. Maybe if customer service gets some heat, Windwalkr will actually program as if he's God's gift to software engineering like he acts. He's a legend in his own mine at least. He shoulda been in politics, he dances instead of performing so well. You know?!! // Frank
 
Hi Dean,

Even ayatollah's in Iran these days see there is light(Philips) in the (fatwa) tunnel and they seem to open up but one never know. Let's see the humor and not the dark sight of trainz only.


Roy:wave:
 
joosten said:
Hi Dean,

Even ayatollah's in Iran these days see there is light(Philips) in the (fatwa) tunnel and they seem to open up but one never know. Let's see the humor and not the dark sight of trainz only.


Roy:wave:
Click to expand...

Fatwa? I looked it up, but I need a better explanation of how you're using the word.
 
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Bigboy,

I just randomly choose a word that pops up when I hear the word ayatollah etc nothing special could have used another but cannot find one at this moment.

Also Philips lighting was referred to not Philip or Phil.

Use a lot of salt when reading things in the humor thread that is what in essence humor stands for as far i am aware of of course and my knowledge limited because of choice and yes brain mass.
Although when cooking i use salt, yes sea salt almost to much and more and more pepper/chilli to make things more spicy.
Like in humor some can be spicy, but not make it because of sensored by mods.
No pun intended on anything, just relax and make this a nice day like i do, retired since 1998 getting better most days wake up 5 am work on trainz, go for a swim/sail around 11 relax have light lunch take a nap, 4pm timer for some bowling, if you want more retirement tips pm me.
Trainz I use for my brainz workout and tell you all hands on deck, pumps running 24/7 full force keeping the bilge dry.
I love their wooden boat so easy sometimes to repair minor leaks using the oldfashioned hennep cords or puttie knock them in the seems and done for a while.
Amazing how this old designs hold out so long but you see the cracks more and more and wonder when the worm gets in there and no hold and time for the dry dock.

You have a nice day and good thread you started.

Roy:wave:
 
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¤——¤——¤

.
@joosten


Blimey Roy!


Well, I could respond to each of your points but no-one will bother to read it all.


A picture paints a thousand words, so to save virtual ink, and a great deal of time, here’s my response.












0aca7303.jpg





Cheers
Casper
:D
p.s. I know the image has been posted before, but it seems appropriate for inclusion in this thread, (before it gets closed!):p
p.p.s. It might even now be back on topic.:o


.
 
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mezzoprezzo said:
.@joosten Blimey Roy! Well, I could respond to each of your points but no-one will bother to read it all. A picture paints a thousand words, so to save virtual ink, and a great deal of time, here’s my response.
0aca7303.jpg
CheersCasper:Dp.s. I know the image has been posted before, but it seems appropriate for inclusion in this thread, (before it gets closed!):pp.p.s. It might even now be back on topic.:o.
Click to expand...
You my good sir, are a humoristic genius!!!
 
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