Mock the Auto-Announcer game
- Thread starter Wessex_Electric_Nutter
- Start date
Conductorphil
Master Yard Builder
*bing bong*
Due to a slash in budget, all coaches on the Intercity at Platform 5 had to be scrapped. In order to deal with this issue, British Rail has rented some old planes, ripped the wings off and stuck some wheels to the bottom. We aren't sure if its what you wanted, but please enjoy the tiny feet space and the broken Aircon which now has three exciting options: "off", "off" and "you think its on but its really off". We'd apologise for this change in plan but the slash in budget means that I can say whatever the heck I want now due to a worker shortage.
Oh, and as for the idiot business guy on platform 3, I have your wallet. But please continue running around like a headless chicken trying to find it because so far its the most amusing thing I've seen for the past few weeks. If you want it back, please go and speak to the track works supervisor. After you've repaired six hundred miles of track, I'll give it back. Maybe then you wont lose it.
Thank you, and please have an enjoyable day.
*bing bong*
Due to a slash in budget, all coaches on the Intercity at Platform 5 had to be scrapped. In order to deal with this issue, British Rail has rented some old planes, ripped the wings off and stuck some wheels to the bottom. We aren't sure if its what you wanted, but please enjoy the tiny feet space and the broken Aircon which now has three exciting options: "off", "off" and "you think its on but its really off". We'd apologise for this change in plan but the slash in budget means that I can say whatever the heck I want now due to a worker shortage.
Oh, and as for the idiot business guy on platform 3, I have your wallet. But please continue running around like a headless chicken trying to find it because so far its the most amusing thing I've seen for the past few weeks. If you want it back, please go and speak to the track works supervisor. After you've repaired six hundred miles of track, I'll give it back. Maybe then you wont lose it.
Thank you, and please have an enjoyable day.
*bing bong*
Bernard430
Qualified Witchdoctor
At London Paddington
*dum dum dong*
Passengers for the delayed 13:45 First Great Western Service to Penzance, please make your way to Platform 5 to board your train. We are not sorry for the 3 hour delay, as it's your fault for holding us up at the complaint's office. You will notice that instead of the usual HST, we have replaced this service with a Class 150, that should really be operating the 14:41 Bristol to Penzance service. We know the ammount of passengers expecting to board this train is too much for it to cope, but due to a lack of funding we are unable to use a HST. Why do we have a lack of funding you may ask, since we charge you so much for your tickets? It is because, once again, we are bidding stupid ammounts of money to win the contract for ANOTHER part of Britain's railways. If you are unable to board this train, then it's your fault for not being at the front of the que. Those who do make it on, we will be departing in 5 minutes, and will be calling at all stations on route, and my even take a detour to Torquay, and maybe down one the Cornish branchlines to spice up your journey. Oh, and because we have very little money, we were unable to hire a cleaner for this service, so you can only begin to guess what that puddle in the corner is. There is no first class seating on board this train, nor any reservations, so tough luck if you paid extra. Please note that due to the overcrowded nature of this service, you will not be able to move for the next few hours. If you do have any comments on our service today, please report them to our customer services. If you would like some money off your next journey with us, then why not send your complaints to Virgin Trains to rub in the fact that we beat them in the bidding for the WCML. Thank you for riding with us, and good luck in enjoying your journey
Hope this is ok!
*dum dum dong*
Passengers for the delayed 13:45 First Great Western Service to Penzance, please make your way to Platform 5 to board your train. We are not sorry for the 3 hour delay, as it's your fault for holding us up at the complaint's office. You will notice that instead of the usual HST, we have replaced this service with a Class 150, that should really be operating the 14:41 Bristol to Penzance service. We know the ammount of passengers expecting to board this train is too much for it to cope, but due to a lack of funding we are unable to use a HST. Why do we have a lack of funding you may ask, since we charge you so much for your tickets? It is because, once again, we are bidding stupid ammounts of money to win the contract for ANOTHER part of Britain's railways. If you are unable to board this train, then it's your fault for not being at the front of the que. Those who do make it on, we will be departing in 5 minutes, and will be calling at all stations on route, and my even take a detour to Torquay, and maybe down one the Cornish branchlines to spice up your journey. Oh, and because we have very little money, we were unable to hire a cleaner for this service, so you can only begin to guess what that puddle in the corner is. There is no first class seating on board this train, nor any reservations, so tough luck if you paid extra. Please note that due to the overcrowded nature of this service, you will not be able to move for the next few hours. If you do have any comments on our service today, please report them to our customer services. If you would like some money off your next journey with us, then why not send your complaints to Virgin Trains to rub in the fact that we beat them in the bidding for the WCML. Thank you for riding with us, and good luck in enjoying your journey
Hope this is ok!
Bernard430
Qualified Witchdoctor
Just one extra...
At Tonbridge Station
*dum ding ding ding*
We are sorry to announce that the 15:36 train from Redhill to Tonbirdge has been cancelled. Actually, we just forgot to send a train for this service as no one uses it and it's a waste of money in our eyes. If you do require a service from Tonbridge to Redhill, then get in your bloudy car and drive yourself there. It'll probably be cheaper anyway...
You should also thank us for not providing a bus service, as it would take the stupid route along country lanes and across farmland instead of the M25 and M23.
*dum ding ding ding*
At Tonbridge Station
*dum ding ding ding*
We are sorry to announce that the 15:36 train from Redhill to Tonbirdge has been cancelled. Actually, we just forgot to send a train for this service as no one uses it and it's a waste of money in our eyes. If you do require a service from Tonbridge to Redhill, then get in your bloudy car and drive yourself there. It'll probably be cheaper anyway...
You should also thank us for not providing a bus service, as it would take the stupid route along country lanes and across farmland instead of the M25 and M23.
*dum ding ding ding*
AlanBradbury
New member
Bing Bong: 'The train standing on Platform Four, should actually be standing on the railway track. North West Trains would like to apologise for the inconvenience this caused to passengers who were themselves standing on Platform Four when this train arrived; we would like to reassure them that we will attempt to get the train off Platform Four, and back onto the railway tracks as soon as possible. In the meantime, there is a replacement bus service on the pavement outside the statio.. oh crap, I can see a pattern forming here.'
Bing Bong: Passengers awaiting the arrival of the 17:15 Virgin Pendolino Manchester Piccadilly to London Euston service, should be advised that, in preparation for the changeover to this train being operated by First Group, the service will now comprise of fourteen Class 142 Pacer Railbusses all coupled together, with a Deltic at the front, and with 'Pendolino' written in crayon on the side of it. Passengers are advised that if they do not have a valid ticket for the journey and they board this train, they will be forced to buy a 'Standard Fare Ticket', which is now 3.9 Billion Pounds as a matter of necessity.'
Al
Bing Bong: Passengers awaiting the arrival of the 17:15 Virgin Pendolino Manchester Piccadilly to London Euston service, should be advised that, in preparation for the changeover to this train being operated by First Group, the service will now comprise of fourteen Class 142 Pacer Railbusses all coupled together, with a Deltic at the front, and with 'Pendolino' written in crayon on the side of it. Passengers are advised that if they do not have a valid ticket for the journey and they board this train, they will be forced to buy a 'Standard Fare Ticket', which is now 3.9 Billion Pounds as a matter of necessity.'
Al
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Welcome aboard amtrak's empire builder. We do not have a driver on board the train, so if you are a Trainzer, please come forward to the cab. I repeat, if you are a trainzer, please come forward to the cab. Also we would like to notify you that the only working toilet is in the coach that will be set out at minneapolis, so there will be no toilets beyond minneapolis. We will have attendants stationed at each door so you can go, however.
:hehe:
:hehe:
Bernard430
Qualified Witchdoctor
Not realistic, but...
* On board a train*
Dum Dum Dom... "Ladies and Gentlemen, please note that due to Content Manager crashing half way through the download of this route, we will shortly be derailing. Passengers should be reminded that Trainz's unrealistic crash physics mean that the train will always stay upright and you will be unhurt. However, please do not attempt to leave the train after we have fallen off the baseboard and continue to float for some reason, as you may define Trainz physics and fall forever. If you have any comments on your service after the crash, please put it in to an error report and we will then crash the game for the user the read and get angry about. Have a nice day!
* On board a train*
Dum Dum Dom... "Ladies and Gentlemen, please note that due to Content Manager crashing half way through the download of this route, we will shortly be derailing. Passengers should be reminded that Trainz's unrealistic crash physics mean that the train will always stay upright and you will be unhurt. However, please do not attempt to leave the train after we have fallen off the baseboard and continue to float for some reason, as you may define Trainz physics and fall forever. If you have any comments on your service after the crash, please put it in to an error report and we will then crash the game for the user the read and get angry about. Have a nice day!
TheWaluigiKing
Trainz Ninja
"CityRail Chime" Attention Passengers all train services are cancelled for today because our entire staff has gone off to McDonalds:hehe::hehe: We are sorry for the inconvenience!
Steamdemon
Pizza Delivery Train
*ding dong* I regret to inform you that due to a slow moving tesco's locomotive (no joke, they do use the railways.) You won't be getting horseburgers. Wait. That's good right? (Less CO2 my backside!)
Jacobchgo19
Whos that guy?
ATTENTION B... N ... S.... F P A S S A N G E R S A W A I T I N G BNSF 1332 OUTBOUND DUE TO ARIVE AURORA AT 11:05 AM , IS 2 HOURS LATE DUE TO MECHANICAL FAILURES (says the announcement at 1:30... i guess the train stalled on a switch)
I dunno, I had this one the other day whilst travelling from St Pancras to Bedford on a 377/5:
Voice
At the same time the LED board said:
I must say, 377/5s have a tendency to forget how many carriages they have, especially in 12 car formations. 4 times now I've had the "This is coach <some number between 9 and 12> of 8... :hehe:
Voice
At the same time the LED board said:
I must say, 377/5s have a tendency to forget how many carriages they have, especially in 12 car formations. 4 times now I've had the "This is coach <some number between 9 and 12> of 8... :hehe:
Saw this on an SWT 450 Desironot today
Bing Bong (In embarrassed voice) "I do apologise for the technical hitch. These new-fangled trains are a bit batty sometimes. *Forgets to put receiver down* I wish I still worked on those slam door trains. Those were the days grumble grumble.*Finally puts receiver down* Meanwhile I am on the floor laughing. Later the driver stands on the platform, red in the face apologising for his rant.
Driver notices something wrong:
Bing Bong (In embarrassed voice) "I do apologise for the technical hitch. These new-fangled trains are a bit batty sometimes. *Forgets to put receiver down* I wish I still worked on those slam door trains. Those were the days grumble grumble.*Finally puts receiver down* Meanwhile I am on the floor laughing. Later the driver stands on the platform, red in the face apologising for his rant.
"Now hear this: Train #4, the Wabash Cannonball. Dock Junction, Peru, Eulonia, Eddington, Champange, Laffyette, Ft. Wayne and Detroit. Train for Detroit and points east, now arriving. Your attention please, persons accompanying passengers, please refrain from boarding the train because of limited time at Delmar Station." *forgets to put receiver down* gahh when will the put a doggone notice up for these people accompanying passengers? *goes into randomly occurring and general grumbling rant* *someone throws a rock through the window* *the stationmaster hurriedly hangs up the receiver in embarrassment and two days later publicly apologizes for the rant*
trainfan7122
New member
Well I'm waiting for T:ANE, I might as well have a go:
"All passengers boarding the 12:50 to Brighton from barrow, please board the horse drawn carriage on track 12, I repeat, all 12:50 passengers board the horse drawn carriage * announcer forgets to turn it off* hmm, now lets see, that's the last train for my job, scratch that, that was the 1982 maximum, 2000 more to go, not like there going to be on time...
"All passengers boarding the 12:50 to Brighton from barrow, please board the horse drawn carriage on track 12, I repeat, all 12:50 passengers board the horse drawn carriage * announcer forgets to turn it off* hmm, now lets see, that's the last train for my job, scratch that, that was the 1982 maximum, 2000 more to go, not like there going to be on time...