Mock the Auto-Announcer game

Platform 4 for the 12.15 Virgin Trains Pendolino service from London Euston to Manchester Piccadilly, calling at Watford Junction, Milton Keynes, Northampton, Rugby, Stafford, Crewe And Manchester Piccadilly. The the train will be cancelled just outside Birmingham. Thank You.
 
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Announcement Game

Announcer at Hartlepool station at 7am...Would passengers on the Arriva service to York via Darlngton due to depart at 6.30 accept our apologies for the late departure due to the driver forgetting he was on duty this morning.... This train will now depart when The station manager has consulted the TRS Driver manual on how to drive a train and can pluck up courage to take this train as far Darlington where a volunteer Trainzer will take over... Passengers who will be late arriving at their workplace can ask their supervisors to contact the Auran Help Desk who will verify their late arrival to a malfunctioning CMP
 
The next train to depart Glasgow platform 3 is the 12:10 private steam charter service to London Euston, Calling at all stations via every where due to this being a pacer hired from northern rail due to Westcoat Railways fireman forgetting it was suposed to be him firing the steam engine up at 5am this morning, platform 3 for the 12:10 steam special service for london Euston, we do not know when you will arrive a Euston because it will breakdown near crewe. we think
 
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Please note the 100 steam enthusiasts waiting on platform 3, the scarbrough coast express which is due any minute is not pulled by a steam engine, could you please exit the station in an orderly fashion. West coast Railway would not like to admitt vynalling a steam engine on a class 47 was a bad idea
 
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Rush Hour

*Ding-dong!* Would passengers please note that this station is currently abandoned and will not be served by any trains. Please find your way to a different station. *Ding-Dong!*
 
*Ding-ding-ding-ding!* The train now approaching platform 2 is the 16:59 First Great Western service to Reading, calling at Earley and Reading. A buffet service is available on this train, but it has fallen out of the carriage. Platform 2 for the 16:59 First Great Western service to Reading.
 
I heard this on a friends mobile phone.

Ding, ding, dong. "Please place all small children in the bins provided. Thank you." :p
 
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We are not sorry to announce that the next service to redhill has been canceled due to no train being sent, please have a miserable day.


:)


Meyshollop
 
Okay, I'll have a shot...

*Ding Dong* We regret to announce that the train to Redhill previously mentioned will be arriving at platform 1, however it is a loaded nuclear flask train. We appologise for this intentional mix-up. *Ding Dong*
 
Please note that the train previously mentioned arriving on platform 1 with the nuculear flask onboard, has now caught fire. Please leave the station via the only viable exit on platform one while recieving a deadly dose of radiation, turning into radioactive zombies, and infecting the entire human race. Thank you for travveling with First Great Western. Hope you have a wonderful day. Although please be aware thet the toilets on the train are now out of order due to being destroyed in the resulting nuclear explosion.
 
"Welcome abroad this South West Trains Service to Guildford. This train is currently delayed by 4 weeks due to the unit going on strike, passengers are advised to leave the train here as the train makes a run to the picket line at Clapham Junction, this is due to conditions and misuse of the Juniper fleet and the withdrawal of the Wessex Electric fleet. The door buttons are now deactivated. This was Aldershot, this train will not be calling at ASH, WANBROUGH or GUILDFORD."
 
Spot n WEN

WEN ,that sounds about right, I catch the train to guildford to go to school!

One from me:


Platform 4 for the charter service hauled by a class 33, calling at wherever the driver can get the cheapest coffee, and wherever else he feels like, we suggest you bring hiking boots because of the undecided destination of your journey.

Have a nice day :)


Updating my website

Meyshollop
 
"Chimes sound" "welcome aboard this 0950 arriva trains wales service to manchester, it will not be calling at any stations since all the drivers are on strike over pay. If anyone wants to get to their destination, please enter the drivers cab to start the journey. Anyone with extensive knowlege with driving a class 175 on bve4 would be benifical"
 
One monday during the morning rush hour...

*Ding Dong* The next train is the 10:15 Southern Service to Brighton. You may notice that the striking Arriva drivers have blocked all pointwork with various class 150 DMUs and MK2 coaches. Please make your way to Paddington for the FGW service to Exeter, stopping at all stations.
 
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woops

*french station chimes* the train now approaching platform 2 is the 12:58 northern service from Manchester Picadilly to Sheffield Victoria via Woodhead; Calling at: Guide Bridge, Dinting, Woodhead, Penistone and Sheffield Victoria. Please note that due to the non-existence of the majority of the woodhead route, this train shall be terminating at Hadfield instead. A replacement bus service shall cover the remainder of the route (this should arrive in about 3 days).

In addition the only toilet available on this train is currently out of order, we apologise for any incovience this may cause.

If passesngers would desire to get to Sheffield today, then can they please proceed to platform 1 to bard the class 142 unit standing there.

Thank you for travelling with Northern, have a nice day.
 
slow watches

*french station chimes again* attention ladies and gentlemen, we are sorry to announce that the class 142 mentioned in the last announcement actually left 5 minutes ago, as our watches are 10 minutes slow. we apologise for any inconvinience which this may cause.

also, customers may have noticed that the normal station chimes at Manchester Picadilly have been replaced with chimes used in France. This is part of an Goverment iniative to make your stay at Manchester Picadilly as annoying as possible.

We thank you for your cooperation in this matter and that you shall travel by train again in the future
 
At Falkirk High...

*Ding Dong* The long distance pacer service from Manchester Picadilly has called at platform 1, which for your information is the line from glasgow, and we're expecting an HST through from glasgow at 90mph, so we're afraid one unfortunate HST power car and a class 142 pacer has bitten the dust. And there goes my job...
 
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*Ding dong again* We are sorry to inform that the ex-pacer unit that has called at platform 2 was misdirected by a drunk signalman and shouldn't have even been here, so you'll be happy that I'll be keeping my job.

*everyone at falkirk high moans*

*Ding dong once more* For your information the 19:45 Northern service to Sheffield Victoria is should be calling soon. We appologise for any inconvinience as this train should be bang on time!

Time now is 19:39...
 
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