Shortline2
Joined: 28th Oct. 2002
Hello my dear Trainz friends,
I been debating a lot with my self, and still not getting to agree with my self what I should do.
But, I feel I owe some of you an explanation why I seem more lost then ever, and I figured that it would be easier to do it here then in email per person.
Some of you know I'm married, some know we have had hard times for many years in our relationship me and my husband Tore, but that the love is still there.
For a little over 5 weeks ago Tore ended up in the hospital with a massive infection in his left leg - a erysipelas infection I think it is called in English.
In Norway it is called "Rosen" - and being he is diabetic it was a severe one.
It soon should turn even worse, it started with a blueish growing thingy (blemish) under his foot that grew twice it' size from one day to another two days after he was admitted to the hospital.
His leg was massive, red and hard, but this under his foot was a new thing that fascinated and scared at the same time.
It was filling up with liquid quickly, and within a day he could not walk on the foot.
Then it was talk about amputation, then it was not that severe, then they cut it open to drain it.
Then it was left to heal and to get the infection out of his leg.
Days passes by, it becomes weeks, the foot start to die, it gets dark spots, they cut it more open, take out all the dead tissues and exposes the inner working of the foot (his sinews)...
All this while I drive down 1 hour each way to the hospital to stay with him, to comfort him, to be there for him, day in and out.
It started as short few hours visits and turned in to all day and half evening trips - but I had to go home each night as we have a cat living with us and she to missed me...
Then the hope of him saving the foot gets a massive jump up as it seem to grow new skin under the foot as a doctor cut away a lot of dead thick ugly yellowish skin and finds fresh pinkish skin.
Two weeks later, and no wound is healing much, they give it up one by one, one toe has already give up and is black and dry, last weekend two more start to get blemishes, and today one of those has started to get black spots.
Every one say to amputee the foot now, but it is a hard decision to make. Since last week Tore been allowed to go home for the day/night as long as we come back next morning so they can see and change the bandages and clean the wounds.
As time passes by, we too looses hopes, one day we have some , next day it is gone, then a feel, or a little blood peep out... :udrool:
Then it goes away again :'(
It been this for as long as my mind can comprehend, I'm tired, scared, I focus so much energy on Tore I have little left for other stuff, and I'm scared for the future.
This makes Trainz stuff take a dive into a big black hole, deeper then ever. I can't keep up with people, I find some pleasure reading through this forum and try to keep a little in the loop - but other then than that, I'm not here so to speak.
All this due to bad blood flow and a bad attitude to his own diabetic situation...
If you, or someone you know and care for have Diabetic, please, please check you feet regularly and stay on top of the situation with doctor visit and keeping that pesky blood sugar under control.
It can happen so fast, with Tore it took a few hours, less then a day to go from healthy (at least it appear that way) to so sick they almost cut his leg right away without even asking.
While Tore is able to walk on his foot thanks to another diabetic problem (loss of nerves down there and hardly no feel at all) and therefor can walk around with big open wounds for some time yet before going the hard way - it still has so big impact in our lives that I fear I never will get out of this hole again.
We hang us self on a hope that somehow the foot will show every one wrong, it is warm and one small wound has healed nicely so maybe, just maybe...
So, this is why I am so hard to get in touch with, worse then ever, and most likely will be for a long time to come.
There might be good periods in here where I can manage a little of my better side, but I will mostly relapse into that hole again and disappear just as fast as I pop up.
Tore will have hard times and I want to be there to support him, but I fear hard times too, so it is impossible to predict what the future will bring.
For what it is worth, my Cripple Creek interest and the Trainz connection I have through that is the two things I will find strength in as I can when it is to hard escape in there and leave Tore behind safely for a few hours and still be near him.
Thank you all for the support I been given through these years, and thank you for reading this - I hope I have not gone to far with this post.
Best Regards everyone
Linda
http://blog.cripplecreekrailroads.com/ for the "news" in my life
I been debating a lot with my self, and still not getting to agree with my self what I should do.
But, I feel I owe some of you an explanation why I seem more lost then ever, and I figured that it would be easier to do it here then in email per person.
Some of you know I'm married, some know we have had hard times for many years in our relationship me and my husband Tore, but that the love is still there.
For a little over 5 weeks ago Tore ended up in the hospital with a massive infection in his left leg - a erysipelas infection I think it is called in English.
In Norway it is called "Rosen" - and being he is diabetic it was a severe one.
It soon should turn even worse, it started with a blueish growing thingy (blemish) under his foot that grew twice it' size from one day to another two days after he was admitted to the hospital.
His leg was massive, red and hard, but this under his foot was a new thing that fascinated and scared at the same time.
It was filling up with liquid quickly, and within a day he could not walk on the foot.
Then it was talk about amputation, then it was not that severe, then they cut it open to drain it.
Then it was left to heal and to get the infection out of his leg.
Days passes by, it becomes weeks, the foot start to die, it gets dark spots, they cut it more open, take out all the dead tissues and exposes the inner working of the foot (his sinews)...
All this while I drive down 1 hour each way to the hospital to stay with him, to comfort him, to be there for him, day in and out.
It started as short few hours visits and turned in to all day and half evening trips - but I had to go home each night as we have a cat living with us and she to missed me...
Then the hope of him saving the foot gets a massive jump up as it seem to grow new skin under the foot as a doctor cut away a lot of dead thick ugly yellowish skin and finds fresh pinkish skin.
Two weeks later, and no wound is healing much, they give it up one by one, one toe has already give up and is black and dry, last weekend two more start to get blemishes, and today one of those has started to get black spots.
Every one say to amputee the foot now, but it is a hard decision to make. Since last week Tore been allowed to go home for the day/night as long as we come back next morning so they can see and change the bandages and clean the wounds.
As time passes by, we too looses hopes, one day we have some , next day it is gone, then a feel, or a little blood peep out... :udrool:
Then it goes away again :'(
It been this for as long as my mind can comprehend, I'm tired, scared, I focus so much energy on Tore I have little left for other stuff, and I'm scared for the future.
This makes Trainz stuff take a dive into a big black hole, deeper then ever. I can't keep up with people, I find some pleasure reading through this forum and try to keep a little in the loop - but other then than that, I'm not here so to speak.
All this due to bad blood flow and a bad attitude to his own diabetic situation...
If you, or someone you know and care for have Diabetic, please, please check you feet regularly and stay on top of the situation with doctor visit and keeping that pesky blood sugar under control.
It can happen so fast, with Tore it took a few hours, less then a day to go from healthy (at least it appear that way) to so sick they almost cut his leg right away without even asking.
While Tore is able to walk on his foot thanks to another diabetic problem (loss of nerves down there and hardly no feel at all) and therefor can walk around with big open wounds for some time yet before going the hard way - it still has so big impact in our lives that I fear I never will get out of this hole again.
We hang us self on a hope that somehow the foot will show every one wrong, it is warm and one small wound has healed nicely so maybe, just maybe...
So, this is why I am so hard to get in touch with, worse then ever, and most likely will be for a long time to come.
There might be good periods in here where I can manage a little of my better side, but I will mostly relapse into that hole again and disappear just as fast as I pop up.
Tore will have hard times and I want to be there to support him, but I fear hard times too, so it is impossible to predict what the future will bring.
For what it is worth, my Cripple Creek interest and the Trainz connection I have through that is the two things I will find strength in as I can when it is to hard escape in there and leave Tore behind safely for a few hours and still be near him.
Thank you all for the support I been given through these years, and thank you for reading this - I hope I have not gone to far with this post.
Best Regards everyone
Linda
http://blog.cripplecreekrailroads.com/ for the "news" in my life