My One thousand and Fifteenth Posting

Hi everybody.
I am congratulating myself on my 1015[SUP]th[/SUP] posting.

Now, many forum members may feel that the above is not a great number as compared to more auspicious and prolific forum posters some of whom regularly seek adulation from the great unwashed masses on the forum for their self-proclaimed milestones.

However, I believe my foregoing lesser number deserves special adulation as many of them were posted while travelling as a passenger on the British rail network and from almost every part of the United Kingdom. Therefore, posting from a real-life train about trainz must be a unique achievement and therefore something for all to bow down before and venerate. I have posted from HSTs, class 142s, class 150s, class 166s, while standing or sitting (that being when I have been able to get a seat while writing my masterpieces)

I have even posted to the forum from the toilet compartment of a class 125 when I was taken with a terrible bout of wind after eating a network rail hotdog on Paddington Station. Surly I deserve the highest of the T:ANE rewards following this the most thunderous of all my postings .

With all the above in mind, Perhaps a member of the Pioneer Council will stand down and hand his position on to myself for being the most dedicated real life trainsy trainzer on the forum.

Bill

Congratulations on your achievement

From memory i remember I had just over 4000 posts on the old Trainz forum before it crashed

wholbr said:

I have even posted to the forum from the toilet compartment of a class 125 when I was taken with a terrible bout of wind after eating a network rail hotdog on Paddington Station.

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Pretty sure I can speak for all of when I say I'm REALLY glad you didn't post that in the screenshots forum!!

LOL

Great post btw!!!

Mike

TMI

Thread closed

AJ

On second thought, I decided to reopen the thread.

Cheers

AJ

You smell that? Do you smell that? Sarcasm son! Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of sarcasm in the morning.

Bill, being somewhat of a self proclaimed expert in the field myself, your post reeks strongly of pure, unadulterated sarcasm. In fact, such is the tone, I could almost be forgiven for thinking I'd written it myself though I've never posted from the leithreas to the best of my knowledge.

Fair play to AJ for re-opening the thread. A bit of early morning humour is good medicine indeed.

I once posted to the forum during a lecture because I was so bored! Such audacity and rebellion! I should be made chief design engineer and software producer for that me thinks. Posting from school using a tiny smartphone is no small feat, so please bow down before me as well.

Sorry ... I can't see why anyone would self gratify themselves with starting a thread, on the basis the accomplishments of a single numeral of postings ... I just don't get it ?

cascaderailroad said:

I just don't get it ?

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as usual.

Hi Everybody.
As the opening poster, would be forum please accept my apologies for not responding to postings on this thread in the last few days as I have had quite a few things going on. I would like to also thank A.J as moderator for reopening the thread and again my apologies to anybody who may have been offended by my opening post.

Pfx as usual was correct in his analysis of my post in the fact that it was meant to be “humorously ironic” but inoffensive to any forum member who felt that they may have been somewhat the butt of my humour.

The reason I posted as I did was the fact that I fully retired at the end of last October. However, by the end of November Somerset where I live was being subjected to severe flooding as the winter storms and rains turned into the worst in the country’s recorded history which I believe has been reported worldwide. I therefore volunteered my services to help the countless families who had been flooded out of their homes along with the numerous numbers of others volunteering who were retired, unemployed and even in some cases disabled. Anyone with some spare time on their hands seem to come forward, and everybody was found a role that suited their abilities

In my case I kicked the dust off my heavy goods vehicle licence and travelled round the Somerset levels with a septic tanker (sewage) pumping out septic tanks that were flooded or about to be flooded. Wading through flood water heavily contaminated with sewage for the last three months became an everyday event and I even got so used to the smell I really could not understand why people did not wish to stand close to me each time I returned to our volunteer station.

The storm and flood damage spread from Somerset into other counties over a three-month period. Large areas of Somerset, Devon, Dorset, Gloucestershire Cornwall, Worcestershire, the Welsh valleys and eventually the Thames Valley were badly affected. At one stage the UK government described it as the biggest physical threat to England since World War II.

With the crisis over I eventually stood down last week and returned to my retired life and looked in on the trainz forum. However, there I was to find British member (s) living in the affected areas who obviously had plenty of time on their hands congratulating themselves on the numbers of postings they had made on the forum in the last few months. With sewage still on my mind I therefore made the ironic posting that I did.

I hope everyone can accept my thought process and reasoning in this.
Bill

Bill, only an amadán would misinterpret your initial post. That said, I'd like to congratulate myself on my 2,308th post. Clever me.

It's all cool Biil, cool thing that you did. I'll be eligible for a HGV license in less than a year's time.

Hi Everybody.
Thank you everybody for your support and congratulations on my one thousand fifteenth posting on the forum and a special thank you to pfx along with congratulations on his two thousand and thirty-eighth posting. However, I feel it my duty to warn pfx that posting in such numbers to the forum can wholly change your personality and perception of life especially when posting in difficult circumstances.

Since my incident of uncontrollable flatulence after eating a hot dog on Paddington station which I described in the opening post on this thread, I have developed an almost uncontrollable desire to once again to seat myself upon one of those famous Thomas crapper inventions which is moving at 130 mph and verbally dictate forum posts to my tablet.

With the above in mind, I was wondering if other prolific forum posters have developed the same or similar uncontrollable craving(s) or should I put it down to the onions in the hot dog bringing about this chronic life changing flatulence situation.

I was also wondering that should I find myself giving way to the craving and repeating the circumstances and posting, what the subject matter of the thread should be. One thought has been “The Possibilities of Wind Power in Train Motivation”

Bill

Bill, sticking with toilet humour (literally) I recall my first experience with one of those fangled revolving wall facilities on the class 170. Imagine my horror as I stood attending to business, when the whole wall slid aside, revealing me to the other occupants of the carriage! I suppose it could have been worse had I been in a sedentary position. Travelling on many subsequent services after my harsh lesson, it seems I wasn't the only one caught out by the 'progress' in toilet design.

Hi everybody.
Pfx, now you are talking on a subject close to my heart. The design and use of British rail/network rail train sanitation facilities in which so many people have so often come to grief while attempting to gain urgently needed personal relief is a subject I have often wondered as to why no book has yet been written.

As you commented in your posting the “sliding wall door” design of the toilet compartment always exposed users to the highest form of acute embarrassment if you were using the facility at the end of the carriage where the door slid open towards the forward power unit. It was always inevitable that after a few months of use the locking mechanism would gain sufficient ware to allow the door to slide open every time the train braked.

As in your case pfx facility users would suddenly find themselves completely exposed to any other person walking through the train corridor or waiting to use the convenience themselves. However, those witnessing the event and who might be waiting to use the facility usually quickly disbursed deciding to tolerate their discomfort until arrival at their destination however long that may be. Hence so many red faces and clenched lips on trains in those times.

The above stated, I believe what was brought in to replace the “sliding wall door” was even worse. I believe it was the mark two carriages which had a central isle which went down between the passengers seating and in that replaced the outside corridor. As many British trained users may remember, these had a flimsy plywood toilet door opening directly onto the central isle with an equally flimsy small metal lock.

The above was fine as long as you were sitting in the facility engaged in natures business. However, should it be that you had stood up to adjust your clothing following use and as always happened the train braked or lurched it was inevitable that a user would burst through the flimsy door and find themselves staggering down the aisle between the seats with their trousers or knickers round their ankles to the amazement and embarrassment of fellow travellers. The words “pervert” were often shouted in these situations

However, worst of all on the mark one and mark two carriages was the fact that they had no tanks to facilitate the waste from the toilet compartments. When flushes were pulled the contents of the toilet were ejected onto the track beneath the train. Notices were prominently displayed in the toilet compartments of the carriages stating “please do not pull the flush while the train is stationary at a station”

The above was fine provided users knew when the train was about to stop at a station. However, as often happened users would pull the flush as the train ran along the platform at a station the frosted glass of the toilet preventing users from knowing this fact. Passengers waiting for trains on the opposite platform would then be subjected to seeing the “steaming residue” from the toilet compartment of the then departing train for as long as they awaited the arrival of their train. Great stuff, and they called it the golden age of rail travel. Thinking about it, perhaps literally it was at least in color

Bill

Bill, clearly you have spent too much time runinating on the subject of the rail mounted public conveniences!

Hi everybody

pfx said:

Bill, clearly you have spent too much time runinating on the subject of the rail mounted public conveniences!

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Pfx, sorry I have been missing for a couple of days from the forum thread, this was because we have been on a visit to Liverpool over the last couple of days for a retirement shindig (very nice city Liverpool these days)

As you say pfx I have spent far too much time both in and ruminating on the shortcomings of the rail mounted public convenience and as such feel I am one of the leading connoisseur on the matter within the rail travelling community due to my greater age than most on any train.

The reason for the above is that the conception of the rail carriage convenience goes hand-in-hand with the greatest of all British rail conceptions which always has been the “Train Buffy car”. I believe the world has to acknowledge that the concept of the British buffet carriage to give it its correct title was and still is the greatest British innovation to come about since the industrial revolution.

The reason for the foregoing is, where else in land-based transport can a traveller have the utopian experience of standing at up to 130 mph while holding a pint glass of their favourite ale or as with me a nice chilled cider. Nothing beats leaning on the bar of the Buffy car on an evening return trip with a group of other Buffy car drinks connoisseurs and everyone happily regaling each other with tales of their day’s events and rail experiences.

Your utopian experience is often further heightened as your train speeds alongside Britain’s congested rush hour motorways where a glass has often been raised on realising how fortunate us rail Buffy car connoisseurs are to be in the hands of First Great Western or the likes of.

Of course a few drinks in the buffy car inevitably leads to having to contemplate using the worst of all the British rail conceptions and design, the rail mounted public convenience. With myself the very thought having to enter and use that rocking, lurching contraption often calls for a wee brandy or even a Drambuie before enough courage is summoned up to walk up to the door. However, relief gained it is once more back to the happiness of the rail mounted drinks bar and the great company that seems always to be found there.

Ahh happy days, when you feel you are the envy of the rail travelling world and in such things placing the word great in Britain.

Bill

congrats!

Bill, alas, I have never experienced the joys of a real live buffet car though I have indulged in the safer, but almost equally exhilarating, high speed, at-seat imbibing.



Quite bizarrely, this seems to have the same unpleasant side effect as high speed drinking in the "buffy" does, involving unpleasant trips (dependant on journey length) to the only part of the train which, by some quirk of engineering, seems to lack both suspension, and the regular 1G of Earth standard gravity. I thought that travelling first class would alleviate such experiences but found that the business traveller is no 'tidier', nor the facility any more stable than those found in standard class.



I was always wary of standing at the bar in the buffet as I hurtled towards London, the other clientèle usually appearing somewhat less than sober or happy. I always attributed this to the pre-boarding visit to the ubiquitous station bar, which although in recent years have become somewhat gentrified, when I was making such journeys, they were not known for salubrious décor, or friendly customers.


Perhaps I seek to recreate such times, when I take my rare trips to Dublin on the Enterprise service. I do believe my recollection of the return leg last time is somewhat unclear. Something which I can only attribute to the barman in Grainger's Bar, opposite Connolly station, tampering in some way with my few pints of Beamish.